DMV Dialogue

By Tyler

No trip to the DMV is ever complete without being subjected to the circular logic of attendants.  I submit as evidence the following exchange:

"Sir, it seems that your license was suspended in 2006."

"Suspended?  Are you sure?  Can you tell me the exact date of the violation or what the traffic violation even was?"

"No sir.  Our system doesn't have any of that information."

"You're saying the department of motor vehicles doesn't have any information on why they're asking me to surrender my license."

"No sir, except that you must surrender your license and are required to pay a reinstatement fee of $100 before you can be allowed to get a new license."

"Ma'am, I hate to argue but I know for a fact that I've taken care of the violations I've had in the past two years."

"You know for a fact?  Do you have receipts or other documents on your person that could prove said facts?"

"Well... no.  I left my house thinking I was a law abiding citizen.  Why would I need paperwork for that?"

"Sir, you're going to have to either surrender your license and then return here with your paperwork proving your violation was taken care of, or you're going to have to pay a reinstatement fee of $100."

"You understand that if I surrender my license I can't drive home to get the paperwork that proves that I don't owe you $100, right?"

"I get that a lot."

"Fine.  Here's $100."

"Thank you very much sir for your patronage!  Would you like a courtesy print-out of your violation so that you can confirm the information you claim to have that proves the violation was already taken care of?"

"Wait, what?!"

"It's our way of making your experience with the DMV easier."

"Which is why you didn't give it to me before I gave you my money?"

"Correct.  Now, before I can reinstate your license, it seems there's an issue here with the forms of identity you've provided me.  Your W-2 needs to be from the last calendar year."

"Why?"

"Because that's our policy.  You're going to have to go home and bring us a more current W-2."

"I can't go home, you have my license.  And what exactly is your policy that says that I have to go home and bring back another W-2."

"The policy says that we can't accept a W-2 from years prior to the previous tax year as forms of identification.  Sir, you need to step out of line if I'm not going to be able to help you finish your transaction."

"But I came with a lot of other proof!  I brought my marriage license, my birth certificate, a current bank statement, a current paystub..."

"If only you could've been as thorough with your traffic violations.  Sir, please step out of the line."

"...And you're telling me that I have to go home because I brought a W-2 from the wrong tax year.  My Social Security number doesn't change from year-to-year.  Why does it matter what year the W-2 is from?"

"You Social Security number?  Oh.  Wait.  Yes.  I see now.  So you're not using your W-2 to prove your current address.  I understand now.  Sir, you're fine.  I have enough documentation here to process your license."

"Oh, well that's great.  Thank you."

"Not a problem.  That will be $25."